Monday, May 30, 2011

It's Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

I've been jamming in my head to Gwen Stefani all day, because I'm pretty sure I just discovered the most delicious summer treat evah. It all started when I heard about something called the Yonanas Maker. It's basically this high-powered blender that transforms frozen bananas into a soft-serve ice creamy concoction. I was intrigued, because I could probably eat ice cream (especially soft serve) for every meal and not blink an eye. (I'm still holding a grudge against that ice cream machine in my dorm cafeteria my freshman year in college for producing such delicious soft serve and doing evil things to my pant size. You mean you can't scarf ice cream cones after every meal and not gain weight? Lame.) I did a little investigating, and found a whole bunch of recipes for pretty much the same thing, except instead of shelling out fifty bucks for a Yonanas Maker, I could use my food processor.

As soon as we got home last night (more on that adventure to come), I sliced up some bananas, froze them, threw them into my Cuisinart, and proceeded to be totally amazed/dumbfounded at the results. Delicious. Sweet. Creamy. And it's frickin' bananas! Mike and I loved it so much, we went out this morning to buy more bananas - and came back with a fifteen pound bag of almost too ripe 'naners that cost a whopping $2.99. I spent my afternoon slicing and freezing them, pretending I was Gwen Stefani, and dreaming about all the awesome, healthy desserts I would be chowing on in the months to come.
Here's what I did:

First, we bought an insane amount of bananas. But it was less than three bucks for the whole bag and I was feeling thrifty. You can probably make do with two or three at a time.

Next, I sliced and laid them out on wax paper on a baking sheet.

Into the freezer! Two hours is probably enough time to get them good and firm. I threw all my extras into freezer bags.

Toss them into the food processor. This is probably three or four bananas. I was making a little extra since my parents were over for dinner.

Blend them up! It will take a few minutes - they will look chunky at first, but once they start to thaw a little bit it will be smoother. You should also periodically scrape the sides down with a spoon.

The finished product! You can stop here - totally delicious!

Or, if you're feeling a little crazy, you can add some peanut butter and chocolate chips. Mmmmmm.

Looks just like ice cream, right? Bliss.

The ultimate seal of approval.
Not to sound pushy or anything, but you seriously need to go make this right now. For reals. Go!
Happy Memorial Day!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Luuurve!

I know I'm biased, but hearing her say this (even if she doesn't really know yet what it means) just about kills me.


Happy Friday!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Everything She Knows I Taught Her

I would like to submit the following as proof that Anna is, without any shadow of a doubt, Mike's daughter. Not that there were really any questions, but this pretty much seals the deal.


The quality isn't the best, but hopefully you get the idea. Anna really, really likes Baba Ganoush.

If that's not enough evidence for you, please take these pictures into consideration:

Anna is extremely insistent on feeding herself. As you can see, she does an excellent job.

And I shall proclaim this "The Summer of Constant Bathing".

Do I have something on my face?

On a completely different note, I would like to show these pictures as proof that there may, in fact, be hope for me yet:

Lighthouses, be gone!
You can't tell from these pictures, but all the boxes are gone and the scrapers are back to their permanent homes in the garage. Now, all that needs to be done is a little painting. So, by my calculations, that should be done within the next, oh, eight to ten months. In all seriousness, though, I almost feel even worse now that it's done, because the whole job took me all of an hour and didn't even suck that much. For over a year, I looked at wallpaper I hated because I couldn't find an hour to scrape it off. Which means that all the other annoying tasks on my to-do list probably aren't that annoying after all, and I should just stop whining and do them already.

First up? Scraping baby-flung yogurt off the ceiling...

Happy Monday!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Hey, You Guys!

"Mikey, this ain't the kind of place that you'd want to go to the bathroom in."
-Chunk in The Goonies


Let's take a moment, shall we, to discuss my bathroom. Because I'm pretty sure this bathroom situation I have going on is representative of everything that I do wrong when it comes to being a normal, responsible, non-messy grown up. 


To begin, I should give you a little background information. Mike and I are renting the house we're living in. We actually lucked out, because it's a pretty nice place on almost two acres, with tons of room for the dogs to run around, a huge finished basement, and a grueling four minute commute to Mike's office. 


But when we were looking at it the first time with the Realtor, I immediately decided that I absolutely, unconditionally hated the master bathroom. My problem? Not the size (tiny) or the shower (dingy and very unglamorous) or the fact that it lacked the ginormous whirlpool tub I dream of. Nope, my biggest concern was the fact that the walls were a color I did not like, and were bordered by lighthouse-themed wallpaper. Horrific, I know.


I was adamant to Mike that we could not, under any circumstances, sign the lease until we had the go ahead from the landlords to strip that nasty wallpaper off and re-paint the walls something up to my (obviously) very high standards. It was a deal breaker.


So the very first day we moved in, over fifteen months ago, I got to work right way with my Wallpaper Chomp and some scraping tools and went to town on that detested border. Until, like a half an hour later, when Mike kindly pointed out that there were probably more important things to be worrying about that day. Like unpacking boxes or tending to our three-month-old child. I admitted he was probably right, and I set off on more appropriate tasks, leaving my tools sitting on the windowsill. Because I would be getting back to them very, very soon. 


I would like to show you what my bathroom likes like as of about twenty minutes ago. 

Please notice that all of my tools are exactly where I left them.

I sort of got started on this section, but mostly because it's conveniently located next to the toilet

Don't worry. The boxes aren't in the way of anything, because we use our guest bathroom to shower and stuff.

As you can see, I got right back to it. Clearly, making a big stink about that bathroom was worth it, because look how great it looks now that I've had a chance to work my magic. Those boxes? How about those boxes have Christmas presents in them. Because when we were cleaning up for Anna's birthday party, I threw a bunch of stuff in there that I would deal with the next day. Are you noticing any patterns here? Sigh.

I'm hoping that by putting this out there, by finally admitting I have a problem, I'll be motivated to get it in gear.  I have no more excuses, and I've come to this crazy realization that I don't really like all the messes. I avoid this bathroom at all costs, because it's a constant reminder that I'm pretty much a complete failure when it comes to this type of stuff. (And also, there is sometimes a weird smell - moldy Christmas cookies, perhaps?) It's time for me to put on my big-girl-wallpaper-removing pants and get on with it, because surely, surely, if I can run a half marathon, some stupid lighthouses shouldn't be able to bring me down.

Wish me luck, people. I'm going to need it. Now, hand me that scraper.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Amaze-Balls

I would like to dedicate this post to my balls. Now, before your mind goes all pornographic on me, I should clarify that the balls I am referring to are of the cake variety.  And they are amazing. Hence, Amaze-Balls.


Martha, Schmartha, right?!??

It all started with a little graduation present from my mom - a Cake Pop cook book. At first, I was intimidated. I don't fancy myself a baker of any kind, and these tiny confections looked pretty darn complicated. But it was our good friend Steve's birthday, and it was a rainy day, and I was feeling all Martha Stewart-y, so I decided to give it a shot. 

Admittedly, the cake ball is the much simpler cousin of the cake pop, but a girl's got to start somewhere, right? And it was actually much easier than I anticipated. You basically bake a cake (I used red velvet - just a box job), crumble it up, mix in some frosting (cream cheese, again, just from a tub), form into balls, and cover with chocolate. I was feeling a little extra fancy when I was done and threw in a little drizzle over the top, and I have to say I was quite pleased with myself. 

But the best part? These tiny balls o' cake taste awesome! Something about the cake being smooshed up with the frosting ups the deliciousness factor by about a million, because even Mike, who doesn't normally like cake, couldn't get enough. I think his exact words were "Where have these been all my life?". Even Anna got in on the action, which might have been a mistake on my part, because she then spent a majority of the weekend screeching "Ba! Ba! Ba!" (her word for ball) and pointing up at the counter where they were stashed. Smart girl. (I would like to point out, just so I don't sound like a totally delinquent mother who feeds her baby cake balls for every meal, that Anna also scarfed down a ton of kale chips - another new delicious recipe I tried this weekend from Gwyneth Paltrow's cook book. So it's all good - I'm not a horrible mom.)

So now I'm busy planning my next creations. There are so many delicious options that I think this beautiful relationship with cake balls is just beginning. And I like it. I like it a lot.

"My mouth is watering just thinking about those balls..."


Monday, May 9, 2011

I Heart Tina Fey

I hope everyone's weekend was a nice as ours. We had lots of family time, gorgeous Michigan spring weather (finally) and a little trip to the Bell's brewery in Kalamazoo. Nothing says "Mother's Day Eve" like a nice glass of Oberon. Even though Mike claims it doesn't taste the same as it used to, it was nice for the two of us to escape our roles of mama and dada for a few hours and just be us. We started yesterday morning with a 5k race, followed by brunch, a long nap, and lots and lots of cupcakes. Even though I wasn't with my own mother, who was soaking up with sun in Florida with my sister, we got to spend the day with a few other awesome mamas.





Pouty Face McGee and her mama
Speaking of awesome mamas, I am slightly obsessed with Tina Fey, and I feel like it is my obligation to share this with you. It makes me laugh and cry every single time I read it, and further convinces me that not only is she hilarious and witty and awesome, she is also probably an amazing mother, and I really, really wish I could hang out with her.

A Prayer for my Daughter

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,”she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.”
-Tina Fey
Happy Mother's Day and Happy Monday!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Yo, Adrian! I Did It!

I am happy to report that despite pouring down rain, forgetting my time chip in the hotel room, and a couple of huge hills that would not quit, I can now check "half marathon" off my list. And someone out there must have been sending me happy thoughts, because right as I was reaching my limit, about mile ten, guess what song a group of high school football players decided to blare through their speakers? That's right - the Rocky theme song.
Looking chipper, before the face off with the mountain hill.

Rocky is my idol!

I'm in there somewhere, trying not to puke.

I accomplished my goal of finishing, and of running the whole time, and I am proud to report that I beat the winner of the full marathon by two whole minutes. They didn't call me Lightning Leslie in high school for nothing, you know. (Full disclosure - one of my other, probably much more realistic, nicknames was Slower than Shit Schrock. Pfffft.)

Something else awesome that happened this week? I handed in my final Master's Degree project. I do believe that it's time for a nap little celebrating, but I'll settle right now for some warmer weather and more time for trips to the park and snuggles with Anna. You would think that with all my free time I would be able to get around to all the things I neglected when I was furiously working on my project. Like that weird smell coming from the kitchen sink, or the mounds of empty wine bottles and old newspapers that need to be taken to the recycling center. But instead, I've taken this week to start a couple of new knitting projects and catch up on 30 Rock

I do have a plan to get all that stuff done, but more on that later. For now, I'm going to be knitting, purling, laughing, and snuggling. And I just might be wearing these while I'm at it...