Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Is This Real Life?

This little blog has been dancing around in my head for I don't know how long.  Kick-ball-changing and pirouetting in my brain late at night while I'm drifting off to dreamland or folding laundry or rocking my girl to sleep.  Lately, those kicks have become more dramatic and the spins are going faster and I think I'm finally ready.  I'm not too sure where it will go, or what I will say, or if anyone will read, but here goes.

I'm a wife.  And a mom.  And I have a house, and a vacuum cleaner, and two dogs and I have no idea how that all happened.  Seriously.  I feel like I'm still twelve.  Like I could blink my eyes and I would be back in my bedroom at my parents' house braiding Barbie's hair and wondering what my mom was making for dinner that night.  Except now I'm the mom.  I'm the one making grocery lists and ignoring cleaning up the dog hair piling up in the corners and taking care of another human being.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.  Most days, it feels like I'm only pretending to be a grown up, and pretty soon someone is going to find out that I really have no idea what I'm doing after all.  But I'll keep playing make believe as long as they let me, and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to someday walk proudly amongst the real grown ups of the world.

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